The Shoe Fits

Sorry, I completely don’t know what’s been going on with me lately. I’ve been so one tracked minded and then I’ve had to deal with adjusting my life to having my sisters staying with me. It’s not so bad, they are both good gals (when they want to be), I guess I just worry about keeping them entertained because the things that entertain me don’t really entertain them. Though you all should check out my budding blogstar sister Theanna at her blog I help her set up. She customized that layout all by herself. It use to be pink! I guess it runs in the family?

The last few weeks have been o.k. Mostly just ok because I haven’t had the energy to do anything that I am suppose to be doing. I have three classes that I know I’m lagging behind in, I have so much stuff to do for work plus I have my other extracurriculuar activities so it’s just been a great mess at my house. But yesterday my sisters and I did start our little garden project. I don’t have pictures yet but I will (they are on my desktop at home). I think I’ve posted all my wedding pictures and whatnot but I am not sure so I will when I can. See ! I’m falling so far behind on everything! To top it off, Marcus and I have made a decision that is also taking up a lot of my mental space. So It’s just been a rough last few weeks. When will it end?! Argh!

So I had thought I’d take a hiatus for awhile because my life has definitely been open to a new chapter, but I really think that I do like blogging, I just needed some rest after the hectic month that was March. Wow it flew by though!

Obviously, I hope everyone knows I’m married now I can honestly say it doesn’t feel different one bit. The biggest change I see is that Marcus and I have a great time calling each other wife and husband. We honestly get a kick out of it. As I begin to change my last name, it’s also taking a hit on me that I am “grown up”. I remember being 18 when my aunt and mom would say “You’re not Grown yet…”. And now, I can at least be treated as an adult in their eyes (albeit some drawbacks …) and in others. I am finally finding my way through this world and making a name for myself, my new self as a Mrs. Of course, with marriage comes some pressure (mostly unintentional pressure) of having children. Really the pressure comes from me and my own fears/wants and it’s really the biggest thing taking a toll on us. Of course, I want to have children (and if I had my way, we’d be tring to conceive right now), but it’s the timing and thought process that is making me hestitant. What happens if we have children? Can we still do some of the things we enjoy? Can we still enjoy vacations? Of course, in the long run, yes, we could, but it’s really daunting to think that perhaps we never will again. I don’t know. Any thoughts?

But other than that, I’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. I’ve finally managed the courage to go to the doctor and talk to them about my anxiety and depression. I never thought I had a “problem” but it’s so persistant that I figure going to the doctor couldn’t hurt right? and it could be so many other things that are affecting me, including the lack of money, my weight, and the aforementioned regarding pregnancy. But we will see. Luckily, I have a husband who is very supportive and even said he’d go with me to my first appointment.

I love my husband

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I’ll write later, so much to catch up on (including sleep)

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