So I had thought I’d take a hiatus for awhile because my life has definitely been open to a new chapter, but I really think that I do like blogging, I just needed some rest after the hectic month that was March. Wow it flew by though!

Obviously, I hope everyone knows I’m married now I can honestly say it doesn’t feel different one bit. The biggest change I see is that Marcus and I have a great time calling each other wife and husband. We honestly get a kick out of it. As I begin to change my last name, it’s also taking a hit on me that I am “grown up”. I remember being 18 when my aunt and mom would say “You’re not Grown yet…”. And now, I can at least be treated as an adult in their eyes (albeit some drawbacks …) and in others. I am finally finding my way through this world and making a name for myself, my new self as a Mrs. Of course, with marriage comes some pressure (mostly unintentional pressure) of having children. Really the pressure comes from me and my own fears/wants and it’s really the biggest thing taking a toll on us. Of course, I want to have children (and if I had my way, we’d be tring to conceive right now), but it’s the timing and thought process that is making me hestitant. What happens if we have children? Can we still do some of the things we enjoy? Can we still enjoy vacations? Of course, in the long run, yes, we could, but it’s really daunting to think that perhaps we never will again. I don’t know. Any thoughts?

But other than that, I’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. I’ve finally managed the courage to go to the doctor and talk to them about my anxiety and depression. I never thought I had a “problem” but it’s so persistant that I figure going to the doctor couldn’t hurt right? and it could be so many other things that are affecting me, including the lack of money, my weight, and the aforementioned regarding pregnancy. But we will see. Luckily, I have a husband who is very supportive and even said he’d go with me to my first appointment.

I love my husband

So I am officially announcing that I am getting married (back on again) this Saturday March 21. This is going to be a low key wedding with very few friends and family attending. Marcus and I realized the best thing for us would be to get married on the date that we want and that we have been planning for a year. We are using our non-refundable deposit to pay for the least expensive wedding.

With that said, I’d LOVE for anyone who wants to, to watch this wedding live on the internet. Just go to www.littlechapel.com on March 21st at 12:30 PM PST (PST is three hours behind EST, and 2 behind MST?) and click on Guests > Make sure you are on March 21 and then scroll down and find “McGuffey…” and viola you should be able to watch! I am trying to get where I can have it playing for more than just the one time but try to be there at the time designated so you can watch!

This will be my last post until after our honeymoon, so I hope you all can watch and I will definitely post TONS of pictures and TONS of blogging when I get back!

So, I didn’t mention, that I bought my wedding dress. FINALLY. it only took 8 months -_-

The thing is, I cannot gain ANY weight. I can’t even really lose any weight either. The dress fits PERFECTLY, when I wear the corset, my spanx and the slip. and of course sucking it in. (not bad though, only to get in it lmao). Buying my dress (which only cost $299, oh DB how I love thee sales) made me realize. WHY on EARTH does anyone buy a super expensive dress to wear it ONE DAY. Can someone please explain that may have bought an expensive dress? I mean, I know, it’s like your special day, you wanna look AWESOME, but really? a $1,000 dress? I am not knocking anyone who bought a dress like that, but I could never afford it myself to just wear.it.once.

However, my friend was telling me about some friends she knows that on her 1st year anniversary got pictures taken in her dress in very uncommon places, like horseback riding, in the lake, rock climbing, on the green, and pretty much any other place she could “get it dirty”. I am considering doing that. I also want to preserve my dress, for god knows what. If I don’t have any daughters, I might consider donating my dress as well. I don’t know we will see what happens.

Oh wedding. please come soon and swiftly.

Lately, I’ve been busy, but not really. I don’t know how to explain it. I work about 3-4 hours a day and then pretty much have the whole day free. But I get home and don’t want to do anything. It’s horrible. This week I am going to pick times to just be studious and work on school related things. I might have to do it in the school library because home is way too distracting. Damn home.

So, so far so good on the graduate school front. I’m already late on one assignment. yeh, bad me. I know. D=

I’ve been frantic over my wedding plans. If you’re on lavish you might know the brunt of it but otherwise, I’ll painfully go through everything again (dramatic sigh)

Last year, Marcus and I planned on having a reception, where we paid for everything. In September, my parents agreed to shell out the whole reception. Which was great, only $1,500. All we had to do was cover our ceremony and other incidentals. Gotcha. Great. Okay, so this year began and a whole host of problems occurred. First, my parents couldn’t help us anymore. Oops. Next, Marcus quit his job (it really was the best and either way he might have not had a job anymore). Uh Oh. So, imagine my horror and shock when I had to figure out how to come up with $1,500 in two months! D=

Solution? What solution was there? I had to do what I didn’t want to: Ask my guests to pay their way. I didn’t want to do, and I still don’t like doing it but there is honestly no other way if I want to have a reception and not make my guests feel that they only made it out to Las Vegas for a ceremony that will be probably 15 minutes long. If this were somewhere, like in my hometown, where I have connections and could get people to help cook or have a BBQ or whatever, I would, but this is in Las Vegas, being in the works for over a year. Invitations went out, people have already booked flights and hotels. I can’t change the destination. So alas, I am asking my guests to pay their way in lieu of gifts. I feel this is at least fair. I am also planning on paying for my attendants because, well, they are my attendants.

Before anyone says it I KNOW this isn’t etiquette. I’ve fought with my mom, Marcus and others on this. But I have to do it, even though I really don’t want to do it this way.

I’ve gotten feedback and a lot of tears later, this is the best thing that can happen. I am still suppling wedding favors, a wedding cake and bottles of champagne. But we’ll see, maybe that many people won’t come and I might be able to pay for them anyway. We’ll see.

Ah, Life. I hate you!