Obviously, I hope everyone knows I’m married now I can honestly say it doesn’t feel different one bit. The biggest change I see is that Marcus and I have a great time calling each other wife and husband. We honestly get a kick out of it. As I begin to change my last name, it’s also taking a hit on me that I am “grown up”. I remember being 18 when my aunt and mom would say “You’re not Grown yet…”. And now, I can at least be treated as an adult in their eyes (albeit some drawbacks …) and in others. I am finally finding my way through this world and making a name for myself, my new self as a Mrs. Of course, with marriage comes some pressure (mostly unintentional pressure) of having children. Really the pressure comes from me and my own fears/wants and it’s really the biggest thing taking a toll on us. Of course, I want to have children (and if I had my way, we’d be tring to conceive right now), but it’s the timing and thought process that is making me hestitant. What happens if we have children? Can we still do some of the things we enjoy? Can we still enjoy vacations? Of course, in the long run, yes, we could, but it’s really daunting to think that perhaps we never will again. I don’t know. Any thoughts?

But other than that, I’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. I’ve finally managed the courage to go to the doctor and talk to them about my anxiety and depression. I never thought I had a “problem” but it’s so persistant that I figure going to the doctor couldn’t hurt right? and it could be so many other things that are affecting me, including the lack of money, my weight, and the aforementioned regarding pregnancy. But we will see. Luckily, I have a husband who is very supportive and even said he’d go with me to my first appointment.

I love my husband

With that said, I’d LOVE for anyone who wants to, to watch this wedding live on the internet. Just go to www.littlechapel.com on March 21st at 12:30 PM PST (PST is three hours behind EST, and 2 behind MST?) and click on Guests > Make sure you are on March 21 and then scroll down and find “McGuffey…” and viola you should be able to watch! I am trying to get where I can have it playing for more than just the one time but try to be there at the time designated so you can watch!

This will be my last post until after our honeymoon, so I hope you all can watch and I will definitely post TONS of pictures and TONS of blogging when I get back!

The thing is, I cannot gain ANY weight. I can’t even really lose any weight either. The dress fits PERFECTLY, when I wear the corset, my spanx and the slip. and of course sucking it in. (not bad though, only to get in it lmao). Buying my dress (which only cost $299, oh DB how I love thee sales) made me realize. WHY on EARTH does anyone buy a super expensive dress to wear it ONE DAY. Can someone please explain that may have bought an expensive dress? I mean, I know, it’s like your special day, you wanna look AWESOME, but really? a $1,000 dress? I am not knocking anyone who bought a dress like that, but I could never afford it myself to just wear.it.once.

However, my friend was telling me about some friends she knows that on her 1st year anniversary got pictures taken in her dress in very uncommon places, like horseback riding, in the lake, rock climbing, on the green, and pretty much any other place she could “get it dirty”. I am considering doing that. I also want to preserve my dress, for god knows what. If I don’t have any daughters, I might consider donating my dress as well. I don’t know we will see what happens.

Oh wedding. please come soon and swiftly.

So, so far so good on the graduate school front. I’m already late on one assignment. yeh, bad me. I know. D=

I’ve been frantic over my wedding plans. If you’re on lavish you might know the brunt of it but otherwise, I’ll painfully go through everything again (dramatic sigh)

Last year, Marcus and I planned on having a reception, where we paid for everything. In September, my parents agreed to shell out the whole reception. Which was great, only $1,500. All we had to do was cover our ceremony and other incidentals. Gotcha. Great. Okay, so this year began and a whole host of problems occurred. First, my parents couldn’t help us anymore. Oops. Next, Marcus quit his job (it really was the best and either way he might have not had a job anymore). Uh Oh. So, imagine my horror and shock when I had to figure out how to come up with $1,500 in two months! D=

Solution? What solution was there? I had to do what I didn’t want to: Ask my guests to pay their way. I didn’t want to do, and I still don’t like doing it but there is honestly no other way if I want to have a reception and not make my guests feel that they only made it out to Las Vegas for a ceremony that will be probably 15 minutes long. If this were somewhere, like in my hometown, where I have connections and could get people to help cook or have a BBQ or whatever, I would, but this is in Las Vegas, being in the works for over a year. Invitations went out, people have already booked flights and hotels. I can’t change the destination. So alas, I am asking my guests to pay their way in lieu of gifts. I feel this is at least fair. I am also planning on paying for my attendants because, well, they are my attendants.

Before anyone says it I KNOW this isn’t etiquette. I’ve fought with my mom, Marcus and others on this. But I have to do it, even though I really don’t want to do it this way.

I’ve gotten feedback and a lot of tears later, this is the best thing that can happen. I am still suppling wedding favors, a wedding cake and bottles of champagne. But we’ll see, maybe that many people won’t come and I might be able to pay for them anyway. We’ll see.

Ah, Life. I hate you!

So, this website, Flirty Lingerie, has a ton of lingerie to look through, from bras to undies including sexy panties, to sexy camisoles and teddys to the downright naughty. Their bra selection is impressive, though there is a majority of the “naughty” stuff, there is definitely a selection of comfortable everyday wear bras as well. I personally like wearing sexy panties especially if I am not wearing anything too “extravagant” because it makes me feel kinda of like I have a secret or something that no one knows (corny I know…). And the lingerie sold on flirty seem to fit my tastes too. There is also some pieces that I’d try if I were a bit more daring. *sigh*

What’s also awesome is that they offer gift cards too! So if you know someone *erm like me* who is in need of some special occasion lingerie, then give them a gift card from Flirty Lingerie! Definitely check out Flirty Lingerie, I already have items in my shopping cart!

1. Boston was AMAZING. I have a lot of pictures but I will explain what happened to them next. But it was a great trip and an awesome meeting. I had “Clam Chowda” and got to visit the aquarium and several historical places. It was so cool, I can’t even say how cool it was!

2. So, my laptop finally went to the laptop heaven in the sky. Of course, this had to be after I downloaded all my pictures to it. yay. *not* So I had to buy a new one and it rocks. It’s a Toshiba and is everything I could ask for in a laptop. But on the ways of technology, I left my camera at my parent’s house and it has truly made me go insane.

3. Marcus informed my on my way back home (Train was great fun btw) that he had quit his job. I’m not panicked this time around because we had money saved to last us at least two months. He is taking his time finding a job but hopefully he will find one soon and it will hopefully be just as good as his last (money wise).

4. My little sister got accepted into college! yay!

5. I finally found *THE* dress!

6. I’m utterly and bitterly exhausted.

Once I get all my pictures I will upload them to flickr. Also, I might post a private post soon, just some thoughts to vent, or I might head to my favorite place in the world to do it. I really had hoped this blog would be longer but I honestly am so exhausted!

So today I finally got an email back from tutor.com which is an online tutoring place for k-12 kids. Well I originally applied like last year to become a tutor but went through this whole ordeal and eventually got wailisted when I shouldn’t have. Well, so I reapplied and got waitlisted right off the bat. I somehow managed to fail the tests in biology and elementary science (don’t even get me started…) but I passed the Social Studies one. So today, they emailed me saying some positions have opened up and that I can go through the process again. If I was rich and vindictive I would just ignore them but I’m poor and need money so I decided to give it another go. It’s not so bad though, so I hope it works out better this time around. They pay pretty well for tutoring online so I really like that. They are a reputable and school district used company so I trust that they are legit. Hopefully this works out ::crosses fingers::

Well another thing that has happened lately is that I finally got my dress in the mail. It’s really really really pretty in person but its TOO BIG. Wow I never thought I’d be happy to say that a dress is too big for me! When I went to david’s bridal I was a size 18W and now that is too big for me! w00t! so I’m returning it today so I can get the smaller size and go from there. w00tx1000000.

I also synced my phone (finally) to outlook. I hate using outlook because I’ve become so accustomed to thunderbird but the whole reason I bought this phone was so I could be able to do sync my contacts, calendar and tasks so bleh. Fair trade I guess. I’m hoping to blog more tonight but I had to update everything!

So we finished there, and headed to the mall. I broke my diet a little and we got panda express but I didn’t eat everything So I felt a little good about that. We also went to some outlet stores and I bought some hanes bras and undies. I love paying undergarments Speaking of which, I had to put a corset on and OMG I love corsets now They kind of hurt but wow they make a difference. Once I lose weight I’m totall buying a bazillion corsets to look sexy in After the outlets we headed home and went to wally world to get some random things (doggie treats, marcus some shorts, bubble bath for me and magnets for my invitations) We also went to Bashas to get some more fruit, carrots and ice cream yum. I made catfish for dinner (healthy too, used canola spray oil, bread crumbs, egg whites, carbonated water..it was yummy). Needless to say Saturday was jammed pack!

Today was uneventful, we just cleaned the house, bought some new towels and played PC games all day. But I enjoy doing it cause I feel like I can have not a worry in the world. It’s amazing! Guess I’ll be working more on this site and taking more pictures of my babies. They are cute right now just laying in the office, with Yoshi being a troublemaker of course. Sometimes I wonder what goes through his little mixed up doxie brain